Understanding You
by mia66
Summary: ”That is not the way to run a farm Claire, you have to be strong, to lead people and to boss people around even to let people go, feelings won’t put food on your table, feelings just mess with your head.”
1. Chapter 1

**This story is based after Claire gives Tess a check with the sufficient money she needs to pay the deposit of the café she always dreamed and spoke of since her return.**

**I wrote this Fic. After watching "More than One Way" Episode 18, Season two and episode 75 "Out of the Ashes" From season 4.**

**Authors note: ****I was always intrigue about Claire's resentment and Tess's shatter hopes when she returns home, just to be greet with a cold stare from her sister, but also the pain in Claire's eyes when she doesn't know what to do once her kid sister is there, in the ranch again; so here is the first part of this new story, hope you like it and tell me what you think.**

**Also in this story I had the help of "Slidell" my SVU beta from Fan in correcting the grammar and spelling. Thank you gal.**

**Thanks for reading.**

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**Understanding You**

**Chapter 1**

--

"Why do you keep doing this?"

"What?"

The question came without warning, but with such strong demand that it took a few seconds for Claire to respond.

"This!" Said Tess, waving the check in the air in a dramatic gesture.

Claire couldn't understand Tess's frustration. She had just handed her a check with sufficient funds so she could make the deposit on her "Café" and now she was acting like this.

"Why do you keep pushing me to go? Just now…This!" Tess said waving the check again in front of Claire, and flailing her arms on the air in a dramatic gesture.

"I…"

"If you want me gone so bad, you should just ask!" With that Tess stormed back into the house just to come out, almost instantly; walking the distance to her Beetle and driving off the ranch in a rush.

"Tess!"

An astonished Claire was left at the veranda, wondering what had just happened. Before she went about her business she collected the check Tess dropped to the floor before storming off.

"You should just ask her to stay, you know?" Meg's voice cut through her line of thoughts.

"What?" shaking her head in confusion Claire turned to Meg, standing in the door, her brow pinched in a confuse gesture.

"What did I do wrong? She's been talking about the Café business ever since she got here, about getting the money to buy it so she can return to the city; I just gave her what she wants." Claire defended before Meg could say anything.

"I don't have time for this. I need to get ready for that representative form Blood Lines; he'll be here this week."

With that Claire went about her things, leaving Meg in the same position Tess left her just moments ago.

"I swear these McLeod Women are going to be the death of me."

Walking back into the house; Meg went to the kitchen and got busy working on supper. About thirty minutes later, she saw Claire walking to the gate of the house; looking discreetly towards the parking place Tess's Beetle had been parked in since her return, and saw the look of disappointment that washed over her face, if only for a moment, before the stern look of determination that had been ingrained in her features since she was younger return.

Before she grabbed the sack of feed for the horses to walk off to the stables, she saw Claire turning her head to the gate of the house, stretching her neck a little; just to turn violently and go about her business.

Meg's mind wondered to the past, returning to a moment in time, when a similar scene played before her eyes; so many times, some many years back; but with a smaller version of Claire; a seven years old Claire, standing in the entrance of the house; keeping watch.

--

Meg could see the small but tall for her age child, stretching her neck into almost a painful position, balancing on her tiptoes to reach even higher, looking at the distance, searching the roads in hopes of the return of her sister.

She saw the hopeful look in the child's eyes the first days of Tees's departure. Then the frightened quiver on her lips as she pressed them together, when the weeks went by and the girl hadn't come back, as to not allowing a sound to escape them, the look in her eyes was changing, from hopeful to confused and then to sadness as the days went by.

_"What are you doing Claire? Is getting late; c'mon inside the house now."_

_"I'm waiting for Tessie to come back, she should be here any minute."_

_"They'll be here when they get here, no sense for you to be wasting your time there."_

_"But what if she comes and I'm not here, I want to be the first thing she sees when she returns."_

_"Claire, Tess is not coming back if Ruth doesn't bring her back. She just needs time and when she is ready they'll be back, until then there is nothing we can do about it."_

_"But she's my sister; she needs to bring her back. Doesn't she knows Daddy misses them too much; just like me."_

The statement cut through Meg's heart; how can you explain to a child, that sometimes adults make the stupidest mistakes? How can you explain in a way that wouldn't hurt the small child? How can you tell her; that her baby sister is not coming back any time soon, maybe never; she doesn't know so she opts for a lie.

_"I don't know honey; But I'm sure Tess is thinking about you too and she misses you the same, come on now let's get back to the house, your dad is about to return."_

That was one of the last times Meg, remembered Claire waiting at the gate with a hopeful look in her face; she did it a few more times before she stopped all together. But every time she'd return to the house after her vigils; the expression on her face changed little by little.

It changed from a happy face, full of expectation to a sad and drawn look, just to be replaced in time with the stern look that would stay for a long time in the lovely face of the child. Sometimes, Meg remembered seeing in Claire's eyes hope, sometimes her eyes betrayed what she was feeling but not telling; but in time she mastered the look as well, not much time later it was really hard to tell what the little girl was really feeling.

--

_"Meg; You think she remembers when she comes home?"_

Confused blue eyes, looked at eager blue ones, just to see in them a sadness she had not seen since the death of Prue McLeod, the mother of the child, asking the question.

_"Remember what, Claire?"_She asks softly, fixing the little PJs and stroking the long brownish hair of the child's face.

_"Before she left, we played 'tea party' she promised that…that, if I play with her; we'll play 'Bush rangers' next. She would remember right?"_

Meg felt her throat constrict and tears burning her eyes, for the child that it's becoming a lone and sad individual; a contrast image of the happy and care-free child she was one year prior.

_"Maybe… yes, she would remember; I'm sure you are going to remind her of that."_ Meg attempted a hopeful smile to reassure the child, telling another lie to the then eight year old Claire.

They are in her room, she's just getting ready for bed, the last few hours, before dinner; she had been missing. Nobody knew where she was, until she walked into the house; explaining she had been in the shed, playing.

_"She has to come back. She left her Tea Set in the shed, she loves the stupid thing."_ Claire assured Meg, and she could see that, a little sparkle of hope still lingered there, before she let the woman tuck her in for the night.

After that night, Meg remembered that was the last time Claire ever spoke of Tess.

--

_"Meg!" Jack McLeod calls._

_"Yes, what happened?"_

_"Have you seen the picture of the girls? I had it on top of my desk and now it's gone, did you move it?"_

_"What picture are you talking about? I haven't moved any picture, I hardly go into your office."_ Meg told the head of the house.

_"It was the one we took, days before...days before Ruth went away, you remember, the girls… they where near the stables playing with water."_

_"Oh yes, yes I remember, but no I haven't seen that picture, maybe you took it to your room on one of those nights you don't remember."_

Jack McLeod looked at Meg and felt ashamed, ashamed she has seen him with a few drinks in him, more than a few to be honest, but that was the only way to mitigate the pain of not having his little girl and the woman he loved by his side.

_"Yeah! Maybe you are right. I'll look for it later."_ With that he went back to his office closing the door behind him, not aware of the child sitting on the stairs looking at him and the scene played just seconds before her eyes, as she wiped a tear from them.

Meg's was about to return to the kitchen when she saw Claire; sitting on the middle of the stairs, a guilty expression on her face.

That night after tucking her in, Meg fixed Claire's pillows. When she was fixing the extra pillow something caught her eye, when she lifted the pillow to see what it is, she found a picture frame tucked in under the pillow; turning it up she saw the two small children smiling at the camera.

Unconsciously a small hand slid over the sheets and held the picture frame in a strong grip, a small smile appeared on the sleeping face of the child.

--

Days before her eleventh birthday, Meg remembered Claire running to the gate full speed, at the sound of a Ute arriving at the house, expectation on her face; no one was supposed to be there; just to see disappointment invading her eyes when she saw Harry Ryan getting out of the Ute.

Shoulders bend eyes to the ground, Claire walked back to the back yard of the house, paying no attention to either Jack or Harry Ryan; who had brought her a present for her birthday; nor the Ryan boys hollering out to her.

That was the last time Claire ever returned to the gate, after that; not even when they were expecting an important package would she go near the gate, it was either she or Jack the ones coming to get or greet whom ever visited them. From that day on, the features on the small child had changed to those of the woman she was now.

--

_Her thoughts are interrupted when Tess stomps into the kitchen, walking to the sink to get a glass of water._

_"I don't understand her!"_

_-_

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_Second chapter coming soon._


	2. Misunderstood

**They belong to the nine Network and Posies G**

Thanks to my beta **"Slidell"** Thank you gal.

**dollai , Jace Ama** Thanks for your reviews and words and to all of you whom have read this story, but specially you two.

As promise here's the second chapter on the story… Hope you like this second chapter and if you do let me know...even if you didn't.

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Misunderstood

**Chapter 2**

--

Meg's thoughts are interrupted when Tess stomps into the kitchen, walking to the sink to get a glass of water.

It's been almost two hours since she drove away, almost an hour since Claire left.

"I don't understand her!"

"What?" Meg asks a little confuse; still reminiscing as she shakes the thoughts out of her head.

"I don't get her! I don't know what she wants… Does she really want me gone that badly? I thought we could work things out you know? But she keeps pushing me back to the City." Tess said.

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"Tell her you want to stay, that you don't want to go."

"But she must know that already, I moved all my stuff in; I have no intentions of leaving."

"She doesn't know that, all she knows is that you came here for your part of the inheritance and that you have plans of your own; if you want to stay just tell her."

"But after yesterday, after what we've been through; she must know I don't want to go... Meg Why do you think she is acting this way?"

Meg looked at Tess, and could see that even with her studies and degrees, even with her city life experience; she was clueless about her sister's fears and needs, and she saw that Tess was just like Claire, they both were afraid of letting anybody in, afraid of people walking out of their lives, afraid to tell others what they need and seek desperately.

Because every time they asked before, people have let them down.

"After you left; it took Claire, years to realize you weren't coming back. She knew Ruth had taken you, but she couldn't understand why, at first she thought she had done something wrong, something that hurt your mum and thought that's why she left and took you."

"But it wasn't her, she didn't do anything, and what does that has to do with any of this?"

"We know that, but when you are a child Tess, not even the real reasons make sense, after you were gone, she felt left out and even Jack in his pain pushed her out of his life for a little, always busy, always working or drinking to mitigate the pain."

"Dad drank?"

"Just at first; by the time he remembered he had another daughter; Claire and him were too different, Claire chose to hide in her horses and her work and Jack did the same. It took them a while to get closer again and they did, but by that time; Claire was a lonely lass and she remained like that, not allowing anybody to get closer to her as she'd closed herself to others."

"But now is different, we've been getting to know each other, we are grownups and we can decide for ourselves."

"That's true, but ever since you got here, you been talking about that Café you want. About you going back to the city, and how much you miss it; can't you see? She is just protecting her heart before you do leave again. She knows what you want, just like you know what she wants, and she wouldn't stop you from reaching your dreams, it's your life; so all she knows is that you are leaving eventually."

Tess stood there thinking about Meg's words, letting them sink in; realizing the truth of them.

"After you left, she used to go and hide in the shed. She'd stayed there for hours playing by herself, she never told anybody; but sometimes I could hear her whispering, telling someone _"I'm not slurping my Tea"_ or _"Stop telling me how to do things"_ it went on for the first year; after that, she just got involved in what was going on in Drovers, occupying herself ever since in work. That's all she knows she has for sure, her land and her work."

Tess looked at Meg, understanding what she was trying to tell her.

Understanding that Claire was afraid of suffering again when she desired to leave, back to her life in the city; but the truth was; that was the last thing in her mind. Yes that had been her dream, Yes she wanted to go back to the City, but now things had changed, she had fallen in love with Drover's again and the love for her sister had grown in just the few months since her arrival.

She still remembered how sad she felt when her mother had taken her away, she never understood why, until recently.

All Tess knew until a few months before; was that her father never cared to look for her and the same went for her sister, they never wrote or at least that's what she had always believed; until she found the post cards and letters from her dad; addressed to her, only to find out; all this years later, that her mom had sent them back without ever telling her.

But she had been too small to comprehend the why's and the how's, so she just accepted the fact that it was just her mom and her. They had always been close and as she grew up they got closer; especially knowing her mom suffered from depression and emotional problems.

It was easier to blame all of that on her father; since her mom always canalized her problems to him, so life went on and she had forgotten about them, forgotten about her sister; the one she always had hoped to see again until the Lawyer had found her.

Now she found out something new, Claire had grown up alone, yes their father had been there but for the little she knew, Jack thought of his daughter more as a friend and partner than a daughter.

There was no doubt in Tess's mind that he did love Claire with all his heart, just as he love her; he wrote that in his letters to her; but when you are a child, the only way to assure them is by expressing those feelings through acts of love, and for what Meg just told her; Claire had none of that after she was gone.

Sure Tess had her mom; and Ruth always went out of her way to praise her daughter, hugging and kissing her to no end, Tess knew her mom loved her, but Claire had lost her mom and her baby brother when little, then had them back in the form of Ruth and her baby sister; just to be robed of that without an explanation or reason, just to feel rejected by Jack; when he himself, was in pain as well.

Just in a short period of time, Claire had lost two moms and two siblings, one set to death; the other to abandonment and neglect and to top all that, the second time she had lost, if only for a while, her father as well.

No wonder the cold reception she'd gotten from her long lost sister when she stood that midday in front of her and the house she'd grown up in when little at her back, she had been anticipating a warm welcome; just to be greeted by a cold stare and a confused look on Claire's face, and her words that first night at dinner still bothered her till this day.

_"You left us, and not a word from you… You left us!"_

Those words returned to her and made her shiver, she would have reacted the same way, heck; she would be reacting the same way as Claire was now, not letting her in just to feel the pain of losing her once more.

"I'm such a cow!" Tess said in that particular way of hers.

"What?" Meg turned to look at her hearing her words.

"That I'm such a blind cow; I never saw it that way, I just thought she didn't want me around or that she got upset because of me and Alex. But I never thought of her real reasons, she is afraid to let me in, thinking I'm ready to leave again."

Meg's smile of understanding, told Tess she had hit the nail in the head, and she knew she had to fix things between her sister and her after her little display a few hours ago, she needed to speak to Claire, tell her she didn't want to go... that she wanted to stay.

"I need to find her." She tells Meg before turning to go looking for Claire.

"She left."

"What?"

"About an hour ago, she took Eagle and took off; she won't be back till later, she needs to concentrate on what she is going to show that representative from the horse trainers business."

"I really screwed up this time, didn't I?" She asked.

"No, you and her just need to talk about what you want, need to get to know each other again, and the way I see it; you two are on the right track, just need to open up a little to each others needs."

Tess pressed her lips and nods in understanding, before going out of the kitchen.

A smile appeared on Meg, when twenty minutes later; she sees Tess walking up to the gate of the house, searching for her sister, she sees her stretching her neck while she stood on her tiptoes; searching out the distance awaiting for the person that, this time; is returning home.

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Third chapter is in the works.


	3. Reminiscing 1

**I would like to thank Whitelder at mariskahargitay.board, for her help on read proofing this chapter.**

**And to you all that have read and taken the time to review it mean a lot to me.**

**Authors Note: This is the first part of this chapter second part coming soon.**

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**Reminiscing **

**Chapter 3**

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Tess stood there, looking into the distance one more time, finally realizing Claire wasn't coming, she went ahead towards the stables.

Her mind was on her past, back when she was little and when her time at Drover's had been cut short by her own mother.

"Hi Oscar, I bet your life hasn't been as complicated as mine or Claire's ah?" She stood there, patting him lightly while brushing his hard coat.

"You know…just because I don't react harshly or get angry at mom or Claire doesn't mean I didn't miss her or dad, I did; or that I don't feel mad at mum for what she did hiding the fact that dad looked for me, but there is nothing I can do about it now; I don't even have a mum I can scream at for lying to me you know?"

Oscar turn his head to Tess and nudged her, his tail swishing, appreciating the light brushing and the care delivered by Tess as she kept on talking.

"You know, there was this time, when I was in third grade, this girl…Cindy Travers, had it in for me and she always pushed me around and kept bugging me, just because mum always picked me up after school; she just didn't leave me alone, she was bigger than me and I was so scare of her all the time." Tess stops talking as she remembers the details.

"One afternoon, mum was late and I was there; just waiting for her to show up when I saw her coming towards me; her friends with her and I was becoming more afraid by the second." A smile reaches her face remembering the incident now.

**--**

_"So you mommy isn't picking you up this time hey, little snob." _Cindy mocks her, her friends behind her laughing at Tess's terrified face.

_"What, cat got your tongue? You aren't so brave when there are no teachers to run to huh"_ Cindy said pushing little Tess back, invading her personal space.

_"What? you thought that a country girl will have a little fire in her, but… maybe that's why your "mommy" brought you back…maybe you were too chicken to stand up for your self there too…is that it little chicken?" _another push.

_"Leave me alone!" _Tess's heart gave a violent jump when Cindy spoke of the country, her life at Drover's; memories freshly remembered by her, still there in her mind; memories of Claire, her sister, returned suddenly as a different pain touch her heart.

_"Oh listen, the little snob knows how to speak…what did you say? I didn't hear you." _Cindy spoke while her friend stood back smiling at Cindy's antics.

_"I said leave me alone."_ Tess said with a small voice a lot smaller than she wanted.

_"Or what? What are you going to do to stop me? C'mon tell me what are you going to do ah!"_ Cindy spoke again shoving her back with more force.

**-- **

_'Tess you need to learn how to defend your self, I may not be around you all the time and you need to learn!' _Claire's voice resonated in Tess's mind at that moment; just as clear as day.

She remembers how her sister had showed her what to do, one of those days she had agreed to play "bush ranger's" with Claire.

_'But Claire. We're just playing, I don need de..fen.ding'_ Four year old Tess had said to her sister, having trouble with the hard word and annoyed at how real her sister took the game.

_'Oh Tessie, you never know c'mon, here; this hand like this… protecting your face;'_ Claire said pulling her sister's right arm and hand up and placing it in front of her face _'and with this one… you pull it back and then push it forwards with all you strength Ok?'_ Claire said placing her left arm back a little and in place. _"Your hand, like this… in a fist ok' _

_'O'tay' _

_'Now Tessie, throw your arm now! With all your might!' _

Tess closed her eyes and throws her arm forwards with all her strength and the impact made her wince.

_'Ouch! Tess!'_ Claire said from her position now on the hard grown rubbing her cheek.

_'I sorry' _Tess said about to cry.

_'No, no, Tessie; don't cry that was really good!'_ Claire said jumping to her feet still rubbing her face _'See I'm ok, nothing happen' _

_'O'tay'_ Tess smile when her big sister stood there smiling at her as well. _'show me more?' _

_'I don't think so Tess…maybe latter'_ Claire said still massaging her cheek that was turning red.

_'But for now, you know how to throw a punch, and hard!... now remember that ok? That way nobody will mess with you now, Tess McLeod' _Claire finished with a proud voice as Tess felt proud of herself as well.  
_  
'Now don't you go telling Ruth about this, I know she doesn't like for you to learn how to fight, is just between you and me; between sister's ok?'_

'O'tay'

'Now let's go, I need something cold to put on my face before it turns purple'

**-- **

The memory faded just as soon as it had appear and Tess found herself in the front parking lot of her school, with Cindy Travers still looking for a fight; pushing her around and her friends still laughing at her.

_"I said you little moron…what…are…you…going…to…do?" _With the last word Cindy shove Tess harder, closing her eyes Tess had to take a step back to balance her body and avoid falling.

When Tess, open her eyes again she saw red, Cindy's words had rebuilt the sadness of not having her sister by her side or her dad with them there in the City, also the anger she felt towards her dad, for not making an effort to contact them made it's presence know by the heat she felt run up and down her little body.

Tess, felt her right arm tingle and move up at its own accord, stopping just in front of her face; while her left arm found its way moving back as her little hand made a tight fist; stepping forwards, Tess catches Cindy on her way towards her as the girl tried to invade her personal space once more.

_**'Now Tess, throw your arm now…with all your might!' **_

Moving with out thinking, as her sister's words rang on her ears, Tess let go of her arm with all her strength, wincing as the hard punch found its place on Cindy Travers face, but this time Tess didn't felt sorry or afraid from the pain inflicted by her arm, this time she saw with a bitter sweet satisfaction; as Cindy Travers fall to the ground crying in pain.

_**'No body will mess with you now Tess McLeod…' **_

Tess thought she heard her sister's words like a vague phantom, whirling in her mind as all the other girls looked at her with astonishment written all over their faces, while Cindy Travers was trying to get to her feet.

_"Now, leave me alone! All of you or you'll find you selves next to your friend!" _

With that, heart thundering as if it wanted to jump out of her chest and body trembling with panic; Tess found her books and pushed her way out of the circle of still stunned girls, too afraid to do or say anything else to the shy girl that until that day; had served them as their laughing, punching bag.

**-- **

"Let me tell you Oscar, from that day on; no body messed with me again and 'bully' Cindy Travers, never crossed my path again even one or two of her friends became my friends and hung with me for a while; mom wasn't too keen on the idea of me getting into fist fights at school, but that girl had it coming."

"She had been so mad at Claire, when I told her Claire had taught me how to defend myself that we argued about it, well as much as I could argue at that age; after a while she got into one of those "states" of depression she got every time we spoke of dad or Claire; that's when I realized what it did to her; I stop asking questions and never spoke of them like I used to"

Oscar just look at her and moved his head up and down while Tess kept grooming him.

"You like that, don't you Oscar…yes you do…" She kept brushing and kept talking to the horse her sister had given her a while back.

"She was right you know?…no body messed with me after that any more… some of the boys even asked me to teach them the famous 'Tess McLeod punch' but I couldn't… that was something Claire had taught me and it was just mine, that was one of the things I had of my big sister…yes… I know it was childish… but that was only mine and nobody else's." Tess smiled at Oscar patting his head now.

"I did miss them Oscar so much, I kept thinking one day, dad would show up at our door, one of those birthdays and Claire would be there too, making my wish come true…every year I wished for the same thing, dad and Claire; until I realized those were foolish wishes"

Tess look up to the sky, noticing it was getting late and Claire still wasn't there, she wonder what her sister was doing; remembering the talk she just had with Meg, Tess smile to herself, here she was; pouring her heart out to her horse, when the person that needed to hear what she was feeling wasn't there.

"No offence Oscar, but I think I'm just going to shut my mouth now and wait 'til Claire and I can talk a little bit more in detail, but you were a great listener my furry friend."

With that she patted its head again and walked back to the main house, hundreds of thoughts whirling in her mind, she wondered how that talk would go and what they would tell each other; she didn't know, but what she did know was that; they needed to talk, and she needed to tell her sister, she wasn't going anywhere.

Not now she had found her place, not now she had found the place she been looking for all those years back, ever since her mother took her away from her dad and her sister, ever since Drover's became no more than a speck in her eyes, every time she turned her head to looked at the Ranch that disappeared from her sight that afternoon her mother kept driving to run away.

Every time she remembered home, Tess knew; home was where her sister was, where her dad had stayed behind and now because of her dad, she had found home again; Tess had found the place she felt she belonged.

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hope you like this chapter as aways I beg for reviews!

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	4. Reminiscing part 2

**I would like to thank ****Whitelder at mariskahargitay.board****, for her help on read proofing this chapter.**

**This chapter is from Claire's perspective and points of view.**

And to you all that have read and taken the time to review it means a lot to me.

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**  
Reminiscing part 2**

**Chapter 4**

--

Claire had to clear her mind she had mounted Eagle and had gone to the only place she felt comfortable at, now she found herself at her creek, watching the little river go by and the soft feeling of the grass on her hands while she sat there thinking of lost days and lost time.

She couldn't let her feelings interfere with what her sister wanted to do with her life, but she couldn't help that little feeling of jealousy and greed, wanting her sister to stay; to never let her leave again, but she couldn't do that to her, Tess was an adult and she had the right to make her own decisions and if she wanted to go, who was she to stop her?

Yes they were sisters but they grow up apart in different words, so what right did she have over her little sister anymore.

Meg's words keep running in her head, she could ask Tess to stay but the fact was that, not until the assessor had found her telling her about her inheritance, that Tess had shown any interest of returning home, or returning to her family or to her, so what good would it do?

She had her plans even before she found out about their dad, as much as Claire knew, the café was even a dream of Ruth's for her daughter, so what right did she have to asked her not to pursue that dream? What weight or leverage did Claire have to persuade her sister to stay at Drovers?

Sure she loved her sister before and that love had grown more ever since her return; but, was love enough? Enough for Tess to even considering changing her life? Enough for her to feel she made a good decision if she stayed? Leaving behind her dream and life-style in the city, for the hard life of Drovers and for a cranky and bossy older sister?

And where did that leave her? Claire had learned to be by herself; teach herself not to depend on anybody else's actions or thoughts, Claire didn't like it, but that way it was easy to live without the pain that was inflicted when the people you love leave you behind either by death or just for the plain reason that someone wasn't happy with you.

If Tess desired to go back to the city, she would have to deal with that pain again, and that was something Claire wasn't keen on experiencing again; not so soon after her dad had passed away, not after her sister had managed to open her heart and her doors of hope of having her little sister by her side again.

When she saw the woman standing there at her door, the first thing that crossed her mind was 'lost tourist' or even a dreaded buyer for the ranch; never in her wildest dreams did she think about seeing her little sister standing there, knocking at her door after all these years.

When Tess turn to look at her, Claire had felt like someone had punched her in the stomach; she frankly didn't know how to react; Claire fought against herself from stopping and running to hug her sister; like she obviously wanted, instead Claire opted for staying still just looking at her in awe and confusion and all of the sudden the anger and resentment along with the insecurities made their presence known.

The only thing that was left to do, was to react the way she did, trying to let her sister known through her actions, that she wasn't ready to let her come back into her life; she wasn't ready to let her in just when Tess was ready whenever she wanted, just for her to walk away when she pleased.

She thought to herself, that was the reason she didn't want to let her sister in again, Claire knew Meg nor Jody could understand her reasons, because they had always had each other and the people that loved them by their side, but that had never been Claire's case, that's why she preferred being alone, in a way it was easier to deal with loneliness than with a broken heart, she had gone through that before, twice, and that had been enough.

Becky understood her dilemma, but she didn't agree with the way Claire was acting towards her sister, she had told her that much before Claire snapped at her telling her to mind her own business, but Becky had been right; Tess was looking for the same thong she was, closure and closeness with your family, to be loved and loved back at the same time by those how suppose to love you unconditionally, but Claire was terrified.

What if with time, Tess found out she didn't want to be there with her, like Ruth did? What if Tess let her dream go, for as foolish as the dream seemed to be, staying with them; with her just to realize later it had been a mistake?

Claire had her own dreams and they where not foolish dreams; matter of fact her dreams where even more "out there" way much harder than running a café, but Tess had pushed her towards that dream, so what right did she have to stop her sister from going for hers.

She couldn't and she wouldn't do it, if Tess wanted to stay; she had to come to that decision herself but if she wanted to leave, she would have to respect that decision and that was it; like she told her, they could manage and they would manage, just as they did before she came, just as they would do once again if she desired to leave.

They would manage, and she would learn again to manage and not let her feelings get in the way; Claire knew she was in big trouble by now, those feelings had resurface and they wouldn't go away, as much as she tried to push them back.

_"That is not the way to run a farm Claire, you have to be strong, to lead people and to boss people around even to let people go, feelings won't put food on your table, feelings just mess with your head."_

Had Jack McLeod been wrong about his creed? those words had been some of his legacy imprinted in his daughter's mind, either for the way he had lead and lived his life or for the way destiny had manipulated him and had manage to let him be by himself at the end.

But even Jack McLeod had been surrounded by people that love him, his daughter being one of those people; so loving somebody wasn't always what got you into trouble, it was depending to much on those people that could bring you down, and Claire had manage to love to a certain extent, but had stop herself from depending on others.

She had questioned her dad about her sister, about why he never looked for them and the answers was always the same, _'they left us, and they don't want anything to do with us, you can't force someone to be with you, if they don't want to be with you!' __  
_  
Little did she know back then, her dad had in deed reached for his daughter and his estranged wife, little did Claire know, every time he had tried, Ruth had shattered his hopes every time she sent back his letters to Tess un-opened.

But how true those words echo in her mind at that moment, she couldn't ask Tess to stay if she didn't want to stay.

Mounting Eagle, she rode back to the house, in the distance she could see her sister's yellow Beetle parked in its place, she had returned and Claire's heart beat a little faster, she felt a sense of relief wash over her, she hadn't realize she felt apprehensive until she seen Tess was back, for now that was all she needed but still they needed to talk.

Before she got closer to the house, she saw Tess at the stables brushing and tending to Oscar and she took another route; coming from behind the house she stopped at one of the sheds the house had to store supplies, it wasn't that she didn't want to have that talk, no she argue internally; it was just that she needed some time to regroup and to let her feelings calm down.

Claire had read somewhere in some book, how the "traumas" of childhood, could 'sneak' up upon you unexpectedly and could leave you cold and afraid; she wasn't a believer of that kind of "mumble jumbo" people talked about; she thought that was immature, but she try to remember what she read.

'_When people hid them selves, behind their doubts and pains, when they don't want to deal with something, they are protecting them selves from hurting again from the pain they may had experience in childhood; after abandonment or mistreat' _

No, that wasn't her; but when she saw Tess run away, that's exactly how she had felt, that's why she had gone out and that was the reason she was hiding herself at that moment.

Who ever wrote those 'symptoms' would be really proud at how truly those words and studies had been, how they were making her feel and how they were making her react at that moment.

Dismounting from Eagle, she looked around, noticing for the first time where she was.

A tightness constricted her heart and she fought hard to swallow when she notice were she had ended up, when she enter the shed memories rush back to her, this had been the place she and Tess used to play; this had been one of the last places her sister had been just days before Ruth had separated them for years.

It had been somewhere around here, where she had taught her sister how to "defend" herself, unconsciously her hand reached for her cheek as she remembered the strong punch, little Tessie had manage to land on her face, when she wasn't looking at Tess while she was keeping an eye out for Ruth, it had been a surprise when she found herself on the ground looking up to her little sister in shock.

It had been here where she had spent all those afternoons by herself, remembering her sister, trying to understand what had gone wrong, trying hard not to forget her sisters face while time went by robbing her of her memories of Tess; while trying to mitigate her own pain.

Claire walked to the far wall and reached above her head, searching for something she remembered was there, when she found what she was looking for, she pull it out; there in her hands was the "Stupid Tea Set" her little sister had whined all that afternoon, when they where in Gungallen shopping for groceries; the tea set her dad had brought without Tess noticing just to surprise her when they return home, she couldn't remember what her dad bought for her, but the memory of her little sister's face when she saw the tea set had been priceless.

Little did she know, she would have to suffer endless hours of bargaining with her little sister to play with her, her favorite games, just to spend hours playing house with her and her tea set, before Tess even agreed to play with her; it had been here where Tess had promise to play with her "bush rangers" the next day; a day that never came to be.

Claire caressed the little porcelain pieces with trembling fingers and felt her eyes burning with tears, shaking her head she decided to put it back; to many memories and most of them weren't happy; after putting the top on the box, she put it back where it had been hidden all these years, composing herself she turn back and left the shed.

Claire started to lead Eagle to the stables as she readied herself for that talk and was almost ready when she reached the stables, just to find out Tess gone and Oscar by himself.

Claire occupied herself tending to her horse, at the same time thinking about what she needed to tell her sister, they needed to talk, she needed to tell her sister, how she felt.

Forget her dad's "creed" she needed to let her sister know that; it was Ok if she wanted to go back to the city, it was Ok if she desired to stay on Drovers with them…with her or even that it was Ok, if she wanted to go and just return to visit when she felt like coming home for short periods of time.

Talking wasn't always easy and Claire knew that, her dad taught her how difficult it could be, but Claire was not her father, yes she loved him dearly; but sometimes that hard shell he had built around himself through time, hadn't help him in the long road and Claire had understood that as well, she knew that letting other people know how you felt about them was good, even was required for them to make the right decision or to stop them from doing what was wrong.

Claire knew all of that and one thing she knew for sure was that, they needed to talk.

But for now they would have to wait; wait until that representative from the Blood Line's business left for good, until she knew if her dream for that training business was to take off and start or if she needed to wait a little longer.

It wasn't that she thought her sister impending decision of going or staying wasn't important, of course not; but this dream of hers was a long time coming, just like that café in the city for her sister was; but Claire knew she needs to concentrated on the next few days if she wanted to impress that man that had the power to either crush her dream or give it wins.

One thing was for sure, they would talk; even if Tess was already seated in her car ready to go back to the city, this time she was going to talk to her sister before she left again, even if it was only to say goodbye.

With that in mind Claire headed for the house.

Little did they know; life would take them all on a different path, one that would change their lives more than they could ever imagine, their talk would have to be postponed… it will have to wait just for a little longer.

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Just one more chapter and I promise; they are going to have that talk.

Let me know what do you think?


	5. Late Chat

**Thanks Slidell for your help on this chapter.**

**Author note: So sorry for taking so much time in posting this last chapter, hope you like it and if you can and you want leave a comment, critic review I'll be appreciate. **

* * *

**Late Chat**

**Chapter 5**

It had been almost a week since the incident, a week since Claire and Tess had promise themselves they would talk, but things had gotten a little complicated in more than one way.

First the rapidly develop relationship between Tess and Alex, had taken her aback, she wasn't jealous of that well she keep telling herself that; but she and Alex were just mates nothing more nothing lest but if that was the case why did she felt like she was loosing something? Like she let something out of her hands go free.

Then Tess and she seem to not been able to stop buck-heading themselves, she had snap at Tess when she found out Alex knew how hard she was working on Blaze's training and then when Peter had come to the ranch unexpectedly, she snap at Tess once more when Tess didn't warn her he was the man from the Blood Lines company she been expecting.

The same man she had argued and not gotten along a few weeks back when she and Alex attended that class about artificial insemination, who would have thought.

To make matters worse; she managed to fall down a fly of stairs smashing her knee so badly that she was unable to perform and show the Johnson guy her work on Blaze and then Tess had one more of her "brilliant" ideas, inviting him over for dinner with out telling her.

Tess had argue she did it to help her so she could explained to him her dilemma and situation even encouraged her into asking him for more time; another day she could be able to ride but Claire been Claire couldn't make herself do that.

Instead and to her surprise; they had spend a nice and pleasant evening after the first hours of awkwardness talking into the night about horses and work; Peter Johnson turn out to be a good listener and a talkative person to be around.

Then she had to help Jody on her riding and working with Blaze, it wasn't that Jodes wasn't good at riding but she wasn't just riding Blaze, she was showing her training work done on the horse for Johnson to see, that had taken more of her time.

Jody worked hard but her lack of experience had cost her the contract; she couldn't be mad at Jody on the contrary she was thankful to her for even trying but the fact remain, she lost her chance, her dream had die even before it had the chance to be born.

She left the Ryan's ranch just after learning Jody had been accepted to compete on the Miss Gungellan event; she was happy for her the girl but she couldn't stay there anymore, not after having her pride beat into the grown.

So here she was rummaging in her kitchen, thinking of what to do next and feeling like she wanted to cry, she wasn't the type to cry over things that couldn't be change but there was always the exception every now and then and at that moment, this was one of those times instead sharing her head to get the mist from her eyes go away taking a beer out of the fridge she walked out to the veranda; there she couldn't help but to remember the incident of few days before.

The talk had been push to the back burner of 'things to do' Claire remind herself they needed to do so but she was to depress and mad at herself to do it now, so she did the best thing she knew how to do, hide from the others till she was back to normal.

Claire found a little corner of the house to mourn her dead dream and to think about her next move and on how to approach the _'Tess leaving again'_ subject that's when Tess found her and tried to cheer her up only it didn't work.

**--**

Tess had come to her and Claire could see that Tess was really sad for her; Tess couldn't find the words to cheer her sister up so Claire thought of lighten things for her sister instead.

"All out of plans?" Tess just exhaled and gave her sister a small smile.

"Alex staying again tonight?" She managed to ask regretting it as soon the words left her mouth.

"Ah no…I'm sorry Claire." Claire heard the regret and sadness in her sister's voice.

"What for?" She asked turning her head to look at Tess and manage a small smile.

"There'll be other contracts, wont there?" That breaks Claire resolve to be the strong one.

"Yeah sure" But she wasn't to sure about that "No big deal" Claire managed to said before feeling the urge of getting away before breaking down in front of Tess, the thought of her leaving weighting more heavy on her shoulders that she couldn't make herself to have that talk right there.

And then things had changed once more, in least than and hour things had change in more than one way again and now they found their selves sitting on the veranda about to drink a bottle of vine Peter brought her as a token of congratulations on her wining the trainers contract over the one and only Alex Ryan.

--

The night was warm and a little breeze was blowing. The stars were just barely coming up and the moon was almost full. The two women sat on the veranda, talking of everything and nothing at the same time just randomly talking a glass of wine for each.

"I just couldn't believe it when he told me I got the contract. I thought he was making fun of me at first, but then he said what he saw on Blaze performance was all he needed to make him believe the training I did was really good."

"Jodes did pretty good herself she wasn't you and she needs a little more practice; but she did well, didn't she?"

"Yeah! She did, but she did pull Blaze back from doing its job properly. She just needed to relax more. She knew how to do it… either way Peter said I did a good job on the horse."

"Cut her a little slack would you? She's never done this in front of someone that had the contract of your dreams in his hands; she was really upset when she thought she let you down."

Claire thought about what Tess said for a moment.

"Maybe I need to…I don't know do something for her? As a thank you for her efforts…after all; it was her on Blaze and not me." Tess nodded her head as her typical smile appears on her lips.

"I wish I could've seen Harry's face when Peter told him the contract wasn't Alex's but yours."

"Yeah, I recon it wasn't pretty."

"Yeah, but what can you do, he did say he was here to get the best trainer around the area; and he got it." Tess said with that free-spirit air typical of hers.

"I suppose…" Claire said timidly that makes Tess turned to look at her sister, eyebrows pinched in a confused expression, just as Claire's face broke into a full smile. "Yes he did."

"And you got it, without cleavage showing or womanly tricks."

Both women looked at each other before breaking into hysterical laughter.

"To the best trainer around, may your dream keep growing and you can reach the fulfillment in it." Tess toasted her sister's way, lifting her glass of wine before drinking from it.

"And that your dream for that café of yours can also come true... all your wishes Tess... here or in the city." Claire said looking at her sister, unspoken words and feelings sparkled in her eyes for just a second before drinking from her glass as well.

An awkward silence dropped between the two sisters as they get lost in their own thoughts.

'_You should ask her to stay'_

'_Tell her you want to stay, that you don't want to go'_

The words Meg spoke to them a few days ago revisited them. They'd been meaning to talk; to clear the air to really talk to each-other; but life's events had gotten in the way and the talk had been pushed to the back burner of what was important and now they seemed to lose the words they wanted to tell to each other.

"Claire…"

"Tess…"

They both spoke at the same time, looking at each others eyes and the silence grows in intensity.

After few seconds Claire breaks the silence.

"When I gave you that check; I didn't meant to hurt your feelings or imply that I want you gone from here, it's just that… I don't want to stop you from doing what you been meaning to do even before you set foot here…you said it yourself you just wanted to stay long enough to get the money for the café and then…well… I just thought you wanted to go back."

"I do…I did" Tess said and seen the hurt in her sisters eyes she added quickly.

"But I…I've been looking for a place I can call home for such a long time… that I… I guess my priorities have changed for now. Like I told you, half of this is mine as half the debt. I don't want to go now, I want to be here to help out...I know you said you don't need help and you can manage; but I want to stay…if only a little longer"

'_If only a little longer, she still wants to go'_

"Yeah, but what about your café the one you said was the one your mum used to take you? I don't want you to just give it up."

'_Why is she resisting me staying?'_

"Claire, do you want me to go?"

'_No!'_

"_I just need someone to ask me to stay"_

Claire turned her head the other way and inhaled some fresh air before she answered her sister's question.

"When you left…when Ruth took you; I didn't know what was happening, I didn't understand why you were gone from our lives, why my sister wasn't coming back, and it took me years to understand you weren't coming back…took me years to let you go"

"Meg told me as much"

"As I grew older, old enough that I could really understand the reasons why your mum went away; I kind of understood her leaving but then; I got mad at you for not making the effort of contacting us. If your mum didn't want anything to do with us I could understand that. But you were my sister and we never heard from you… then the pain returned more strong…the only thing I could do was to make myself forget about you and concentrate on work and dad." Claire's eyes show the tears that had found their way there.

"I didn't know you wanted me back; when Mum took me I didn't know what happen, didn't understand why my big sister wasn't with me anymore or why dad wasn't with us anymore, why we where living in the city. The only thing I knew and saw was that mum was so sad that dad wasn't there. Eventually, after seeing how sad and depressed she got I stopped asking questions, all I knew was she got sick when we talked about our life here, after a while I didn't ask anymore."

Tess wiped a tear that had found its way down her own cheek.

"Dad was the same with me; it took me less than a year to understand that Ruth was a forbidden subject to talk about in the house…even you… so I just kept wondering…kept expecting… until I gave up hope; I didn't know where you were didn't know Dad had an address or that he had written to you so I just made myself forget."

"I was so upset with dad; thinking he never looked for me thinking he had forgotten me; even you that I guess it was easier for me to adjust. I was so little when I went away, eventually I forgot the ranch the country life; but I always remembered you always thought about you, my big sister returning was a dream of mine when I was younger…eventually I just pushed it to the back of my mind, until the adjuster found me."

"When I saw you again after all those years,…all these feelings keep assaulting me. The stronger was the anger; and I took it out on you."

"I remember." Tess sent her sister a little smile. "All I kept thinking on my way over here was you would be so happy to see me and I was just so exited to get here…it was not what I expected that's for sure."

"I know. Sorry about that, but what would you have done in my place? I always thought you'd come back; but by the time you got here that hope had died long ago."

Claire finished her sentence and the silence returned. But this time it was not so uncomfortable.

"Well, what do you say we do it different now?"

Claire looked at her sister like she had grown another head.

"What?"

"Me… staying for a little longer; helping on Drovers and hopefully getting to know you once more? Know one another?"

"I'd like that…" Claire said and nodded her head in acceptance. "And about the electricity…I'll put half the money, no, no, no." She stops Tess from arguing her decision. "After all half of Drover's it's mine too."

"I'll recon that'll be fine." Tess said smiling at her sister and drinking the rest of her wine.

Maybe they didn't say the words they wanted the other to hear, maybe there were lots to say still; but for that moment, what they had shared was good for them. After all they weren't used to sharing their feelings weren't used to asking for what they needed that openly; but with time that would change for the both of them. They were certain of that.

Claire reaches for the bottle of wine that was resting on the little table and refilled her and her sister's wineglass.

"Here's to new contracts new hopes and getting to know you and understanding one and other." Claire toasted lifting her wineglass.

Tess agreed as they both drank from their glasses.

After a little pause followed by silence Claire spokes again.

"Tess." When Tess turns to look at her Claire said.

"Thank you."

Tess looks at Claire with a confused expression on her face and smiled while asking.

"For what?"

A smile spread now on Claire's face before answering Tess's question.

"Realizing one of my dreams…and I may be late on saying this but…Welcome home Tessie."

Fin

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